Gamer Grub: More Crap You Can Shovel Into Your Face

Gamer Grub, which is apparently some kind of food in a bottle, has been named the official snack food of the 2008 World Cyber Games USA, even though it doesn’t seem entirely clear just what exactly the stuff is.

Produced by Biosilo Foods, Gamer Grub is a “great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks” that will debut in the Tournament Area and Player Lounge at the E for All show in Los Angeles, running October 3-5. “We are extremely excited to partner with Gamer Grub in enhancing the World Cyber Games experience,” said World Cyber Games USA General Manager Michael Arzt. “We believe that this new performance snack product will be a great asset to gamers worldwide and could be considered a new peripheral category for the gaming market.”

The snack stuff comes in four different flavors, including – and I’m not making these up – Action Pizza, Racing Wasabi, Strategy Chocolate and Sports PB&J. More disconcerting still is what’s actually inside the bottles: Action Pizza, for instance, contains “Pizza Cashews & Pitas, Tomato Sesame Sticks, Tomato Almonds, Cheese Pitas and Mozzarella Peanuts,” while the Sports PB&J is “Peanuts, Peanut Butter Chips, Strawberry Jelly Chips and Bread Cubes.” But what the hell happened to “MMOG Pepsi and Doritos?”

Gamer Grub is also being advertised as a healthy snack in very gamer-specific ways. “Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack that boosts your core gaming systems – such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes,” the company website says. “Scientifically formulated with essential nutrients and vitamins, Gamer Grub provides a healthy, great tasting snack mix that supports fast reaction times for maximum gaming performance. Eat well and prosper.”

At first I thought this stuff was some kind of liquid or paste, like old-time astronaut food you could just squeeze and swallow. On closer inspection, however, it actually appears to be more of a trail mix for the digital era, made from ingredients ranging from the weird (mozzarella peanuts) to the weird and potentially dangerous (strawberry jelly chips and bread cubes). Assuming its debut at E for All isn’t a complete train wreck, Gamer Grub will go on sale online and at various retail outlets sometime in 2009. Just what the world needs – a performance snack for people who sit on their asses. Yum!