Guide to the Weary Traveler: Little Green Men

Dear Writer,

Wait a second… Felonious Funk? As in “Felonious Funk and the Funky Monks”?! I saw you in concert! Albeit from the back row due to the powerful “aroma” exuded by your bandmembers. From so far back, I had thought that the lead vocalist was merely in costume, but to learn you are a genuine goblin, that is fantastic! More goblins in the arts, I say!

I have nothing against those of your kind (or any kind, for that matter…) who wish to be upstanding and productive members of society. I mean, look at Jeuno. The capitol of commerce and trade. What sits no more than a stone’s throw from the Auction House? Goblin Merchants. I have had the pleasure of dealing with members of this store when purchasing “Gobbiebags”, and the tailor made me some exquisite armor during my younger adventuring years. I have even tried Hobgoblin Chocolate on occasion. (Though, the goblin chef did have peculiar look in his eye when I asked about the “secret ingredients”.) I will admit, it is quite tasty.

So, rest easy, my dear Felonious. I do not seek to harm or otherwise render its equivalent upon those of you who wish to be decent members of our fine community. On the other hand, the first one of you little onyx-eyed buggers that so much as hints at pulling one of those bombs out will surely be met with a less than desirable fate.